Born to be soothed: touch, safety, and recovery

I have recently come across a very interesting article that made me think about how hardwired we are to respond to affectionate human touch. In their research, Della Longa and colleagues were able to demonstrate that newborns, from their first days of life, react differently to affectionate touch vs other types of touch. They are able to respond to and be soothed by affectionate touch (e.g. stroking), and do not respond in that way to neutral touch (e.g. tapping). 

However, when you have lived through neglect or abuse, the body can learn to treat touch as a possible threat. Muscles brace. Breath gets tight. You feel frozen in place. Your system moves into protection, as your body adapted to keep you safe.

Relearning safety with touch
If you want to explore touch again, go slowly and let consent lead every step.
Try one or two of these when you feel resourced:

• Place a warm hand over your heart. Notice the contact. Let your breath lengthen if that feels okay.
• Wrap your forearms across your ribs in a gentle self hug. Feel the pressure and the boundary.
• Rest one palm on your cheek or jaw. Name what you feel. Warmth. Softness. Texture.
  
• Use a soft object, like a blanket or smooth stone. Touch it with curiosity. You are in charge.

Tips for staying within your window of tolerance:

• Keep your eyes open if that helps you feel oriented.
• Use short practices, for example thirty to sixty seconds.
• Stop the moment your body says no. Step back, look around the room, feel your feet, return later if you want.

When touch is too much
You might notice numbness, sudden anger, spinning thoughts, or a drop in mood. That is useful information. Shift to something that regulates without touch, like paced breathing, looking around and naming five colors, or feeling the support of the chair under you.

Therapy that can help
Trauma focused therapies, including EMDR and approaches that include somatic work, can help the nervous system relearn safety cues. 

Reference:

Della Longa, L., Dragovic, D., Farroni, T. 2021. In Touch with the Heartbeat: Newborns’ Cardiac Sensitivity to Affective and Non Affective Touch. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 18(5), 2212. PubMed: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33668108/