And Why That’s Not a Sign of Failure
If you've been exploring EMDR therapy and wondering why your progress feels slower than what you’ve seen on TV or heard from other people, you're not alone. EMDR is a powerful therapy - but it’s often portrayed in ways that don’t necessarily reflect the  experiences of those with complex trauma.
Let’s unpack why EMDR can feel different (slower, more demanding) for those who’ve lived through repeated or early life trauma, and why that’s completely normal.

EMDR and Your Brain’s Healing System
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) helps people heal from trauma by activating the brain’s Adaptive Information Processing (AIP) system. This system is like your brain’s natural healing mechanism - it helps you make sense of difficult experiences and file them away in a healthy way.
For many people, the AIP system is supported by core internal beliefs such as:

• “I’m safe now.”
• “I am worthy.”
• “I can handle hard things.”
• “People can support me.”

When something traumatic happens, like a car accident or a single violent event -EMDR helps the person revisit that memory, reprocess it, and return to those underlying deeper, positive beliefs. It's as if the trauma has temporarily obscured or distorted their view of themselves and the world - and EMDR therapy can help clear those trauma debris with relative ease. It’s why we sometimes hear stories of people feeling dramatically better in just a few sessions.

But What If Those Beliefs Were Never There to Begin With?
This is where complex trauma is different.
If you grew up in a household where you were neglected, abused, criticised, or had to only yourself to rely on from a young age, your brain may have never had the chance to form those adaptive foundational beliefs. Instead, you may have internalised beliefs like:

• “I don’t matter.”
• “Something is wrong with me.”
• “It’s not safe to trust.”
• “I have to be perfect to be okay.”

In these cases, EMDR isn’t just about processing the traumatic or adverse experiences - you have to do the additional work to build the positive, stabilising beliefs that many others already have. And that takes time and patience.

EMDR Alone Often Isn’t Enough for Complex Trauma
For EMDR to be truly effective, there needs to be something solid to return to - some sense of safety, self-worth, or hope - in the aftermath of trauma. That’s why for people with complex trauma, EMDR is often combined with other therapies to help build those internal structures.
These may include, among others:

• Parts Work (Ego State Therapy, Internal Family Systems, etc) – to support internal safety and communication between different “parts” of you
• DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) – to help with emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness
• Somatic (body-based) therapies – to support nervous system regulation
• Psychoeducation – to help you understand trauma, triggers, and the healing process in your own brain and body

You might spend periods of time focusing more on resourcing and stabilisation than on direct trauma processing  - and that’s not a delay. That is the work. While parts of you may feel impatient, and want to "just be done with it" - your whole self may not be ready. 

So How Long Does It Take?
The truth is: healing complex trauma often takes years, not weeks or months. The traumatic and damaging experiences have often occurred and accumulated over a number of many years. Many people alternate between phases of resourcing and trauma processing over time. This is normal. This is safe. This is sustainable.
EMDR is still an incredibly powerful tool, but the journey looks different when your trauma has happened early, was relational, and prolonged.

What You’ve Seen in the Media Isn’t the Whole Story
Most EMDR success stories featured in the media are based on single-event traumas- a soldier returning from war, a survivor of a car crash, a person who witnessed a crime. These are real and valid stories, but they don’t represent the reality of those healing from years of emotional neglect, attachment injury, or complex abuse.
If EMDR is taking longer for you, it doesn’t mean it’s not working. It means:

• Your system is protecting you.
• You’re building the internal ground that others might have had from the start.
• You’re doing courageous, slow, necessary work.

The Bottom Line
Complex trauma requires compassion, patience, and an integrative approach. EMDR is just one piece of the puzzle, and when used within a supportive, flexible therapy process, it can help you create powerful and lasting change.
Take your time. You’re not behind. You’re building something real. Don't give up!

A new award-winning study just gave us scientific proof of something many trauma therapists have long suspected: EMDR therapy can change your body at the cellular level.

The study looked at people with treatment-resistant depression - the kind that doesn't shift with medication or standard therapy. These people also had histories of early life stress (neglect, abuse, or other childhood trauma). Researchers treated with them either EMDR or trauma-focused CBT. Both helped, but EMDR stood out - not just in symptom relief, but in what it did to their DNA.

Specifically, EMDR was linked to changes in DNA methylation (a process that influences how your genes are expressed), particularly in genes involved in inflammation and immune response. These systems are often overactive in people with childhood trauma histories - and can keep the body stuck in survival mode long after the danger is gone.

So what does this mean? It means that we now can use these wonderful bottom-up therapies - such as EMDR - that can help your whole body heal from trauma. Your biology can shift. Your cells can heal. You can experience lasting changes not just in your emotional states, but in your physical health.

While this study focused on depression, it opens the door for future research into PTSD and complex trauma too, as well as any other mental health challenges that originate from adverse life experiences and early life stress. Obviously it's still early days, but I am confident that we will see similar results for those conditions as well. For now, it offers something rare and beautiful: hard evidence that deep healing is possible - even for those who’ve felt stuck for years.
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If you're curious about EMDR, or if you've been carrying old wounds in a body that just won't settle - maybe now's the time to move foward.
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Reference: Carvalho Silva, R. et al. (2024). Epigenetic changes in treatment-resistant depression after trauma-focused psychotherapy. European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 15(1). https://doi.org/10.1080/20008066.2024.2314913

If you are looking to address long-standing patterns in your behaviour, the answer is yes, more often than not. If you have been doing well for most of your life, and have developed anxiety or mood issues in response to a recent triggering event, than not necessarily.

The majority of clients I see fall into the former category. They sometimes ask - why do we need to talk about the past, if what is bothering me is about the present? That is a very good question, and sometimes it’s hard to see the connection between past events and present responses as it is often outside of our awareness.

Our brains, while often very active, also use shortcuts. The way our memory works is contextual. That is, when we are in any given situation, we tend to respond to it based on our prior experiences. We also tend to filter through the information we are exposed to, and generally interpret it to fit with our prior beliefs.

If I believe that I am worthless, or unlovable, I am going to look at the world through that lens, and keep finding what I see as "evidence" to confirm those beliefs. This is going to perpetuate my difficulties in relationships with others and myself.

To make things even more complex, as an adult you may rationally understand that you are not worthless, however you still feel that way inside. That is because our memories are not just cognitive, they have emotional and somatic components.

Now if we ask where and how did I learn that about myself? When was the first time I felt worthless or insignificant? How do I feel in my body when I am thinking this? Then most likely you will be taken back to your childhood experiences, that formed the foundation of this learning about yourself, that is, of course, untrue.

Unfortunately, as children we have so little control of the world around us, that one way to feel a little bit more in control is to internalise. If the adults are treating me this way, there must be something wrong with me. And if I figure out what it is, I can change, and they will love me.

With therapy, including EMDR therapy, we can start looking at the origins of those core beliefs, and help you process the underlying memories beyond the cognitive level. Then you can not just know that you are worthy and loveable, but feel it too.

​So yes, we often do need to talk about your childhood and your parents, not to place blame, but to correct those faulty early learning experiences, so that they don’t distort your experience of the present.

One of the most frequently asked questions during EMDR sessions is "Am I Doing It Right?". In this post I would like to offer reassurance and clarify expectations around "what is supposed to happen" during EMDR processing.

The short answer is - there is no wrong way to process a memory or a painful experience. There is also no one particular way in which the processing happens for everyone. Your experience is your experience, and that it OK.

However, since EMDR is quite different from traditional talk therapy, it requires an adjustment in our expectations. The idea behind EMDR is that it activates and accelerates new learning on a neurological level. The main requirement for this process to happen is to trust your brain to do the processing, which can mean stepping back and letting go.

During the processing phase (when we use bilateral stimulation, such as eye moments, to target a memory) you can feel that the memory is close, or more distant. Other memories often emerge, that are likely to be connected to the same neural network. There may be sets where you are more aware of the feelings in your body, there  may be sets where you are more aware of your thoughts. Whatever is coming up, I will help guide you through it, and support you in your learning style.

Most of us have experienced an occasional sleepless night. Unfortunately, for many of my clients difficulties with falling and/or staying asleep are common.

In the next few posts, I will share some tips on how to help you fall asleep and stay asleep. I am writing this with particular focus on people who have experienced trauma or suffer from anxiety.

Trying to fall asleep but your brain just won't stop?
Try these strategies:

• Ask inside: is there a part of me that is feeling worried or unsafe right now? What can I do to help that part of me feel safer? If it's my inner 'worrier' - can we make a deal to postpone the worrying until later, and give you a chance to sleep?
• Visualisation technique 1: Imagine your stream of consciousness as an actual stream.... visualise the water flowing... listen to the sound of the water... as each thought comes along, imagine gently placing it on a leaf and allowing it to flow down the stream.
• Visualisation technique 2: Imagine a warm, soothing, shining light streaming from above... allow it to envelop you completely... imaging this light spreading through your body and helping you feel safe and relaxed... imaging this light as a loving energy.